The Pinocchio Effect

Pork pies, little white lies, fibs, whoppers. Whatever you call them, lying is not something you want your kids doing on a regular basis. On the other hand some lies, about make-believe friends for instance, show your child is creative with a fertile imagination. To steer your kids through the honesty maze you need to judge which lies are worth a telling off. Tell-tale signs can be hard to spot by even the most clued-up parent. Dads are easier to fool than Mums according to a survey of 475 parents of children under nine years old. Nearly 50% of Mums realise that turning on the waterworks is a sign of lying compared with only a third of Dads. Single parents also have the edge when it comes to spotting liars. Over half of them said that when their child turns a delicate shade of beetroot they know they're lying compared with just 40% of married parents.

Liars often give themselves away through their body language and speech patterns, says American neurologist, Dr Alan Hirsch. His research shows that when we tell lies we release hormones, which cause tissues in the nose to swell, the so-called Pinocchio Effect. The swelling causes the nose to itch or tingle, which is why people telling lies often touch their nose or have to blow it as it starts running.

Liars also:

• Avoid eye contact.
• Swallow more often.
• Smile or laugh at the 'wrong' moments.
• Fiddle with small objects.
• Clear their throats more often.
• Use lots of 'ums', 'ers' or 'ahs'.
• Jumble their speech or lose their train of thought.
• Use formal language, such as: 'I did not' instead of 'I didn't'.

Children tell four main types of lies:

1. Testing the water lies

Children often tell lies just to see what sort of reaction they'll get. A useful response is 'I don't think that's true, is it?' Tell them the story of 'The boy who cried wolf' or 'Pinocchio' to get across the message that 'telling lies causes trouble.'

2. Boasting lies

Every parent has heard a child telling the world that he is the fastest runner in the class or that she has the biggest collection of Barbie dolls in the world. This is often a sign of low self-esteem, they're probably feeling inferior to their classmates. Boost their self-confidence by reminding them of their achievements and resist the temptation to make fun of their boasting.

3. Make-believe lies

Stories about imaginary friends or tea parties with fairies at the bottom of the garden are normal and fairly harmless, they'll grow out of it. Watch out for make-believe lies about school or friends. Children could give the Government lessons in spin when it comes to giving their version of events. It's natural to want to put yourself in a good light so where school's concerned always get both sides of the story before fuming into the head's study.

4. Cover-up lies

These are the ones that get most parents in a real stew, and it's more common in the over 10s who have discovered the guile and cunning to lie really well! Dr Christopher Green, author of Toddler Taming and Beyond Toddlerdom, advises parents to stay calm and to ensure the child knows they will be rewarded more for their honesty than for their lies. If a child has done something wrong and owns up about it make sure the punishment is less than the child would have had if the mis-deed had been covered up, that way you're showing that honesty really is the best policy!