Ways to stay patient with your children now matter what

There’s no shortage of advice out there on how to deal with your children’s tantrums, but what about your own?  Many parents are reluctant to admit it, but an awful lot of us have trouble controlling our own temper when the kids are unruly.  Maybe not all the time, but more often than we’d choose. Obviously we don’t like yelling at the kids, it’s just that we can’t help ourselves.

Be Cool

It stands to reason that a person that has a cooler, calmer attitude to life in general is going to cope better than someone who’s habitually stressed out when faced with hassles at home. There are all sorts of ways you might like at doing this. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

Practise positive parenting

The basic theory is that the more positive you are when things are going well, the less likely they are to go wrong in the future.  It requires quite a bit of conscious effort to make it a permanent habit, but it does start to come more naturally the more you try.

Stop feeling so guilty!

We all seem increasingly obsessed with getting our parenting ‘right’ these days, and inevitably we feel bad when we see ourselves as failing – which is frequently, because it’s darn impossible always to be ‘right’ where parenting is concerned.  But guilt isn’t good! It knocks confidence, enhances anxiety, and certainly isn’t conducive to cool, calm, parenting.  Or indeed a cool, calm life in general.

Talk about it (or write about it)

Don’t bottle up feelings of anger, frustration and unhappiness.  Tell someone you trust – but preferably an adult, as it’s not much fun for kids to be burdened with that sort of stuff. If anger or stress is becoming a real issue and life is getting you down, consider seeking professional support from your local GP or counsellor.  If you can’t talk about it, try writing about it.  Write down all the stressful factors in life or the triggers that make you mad.

They’ll be there for you

Non-parent friends are nice to keep, as a reminder that there is life outside your family.  But in particular, the support and empathy of other parents is one of the best ways to feel confident in your own parenting.  And if you’re confident, you’re more likely to be calm.

Slow down

There are loud calls for the ‘slowing down’ of childhood – and life in general – at the moment.  And hurrah to that.  We’re all trying to do too much, in too short a time.  And stress is catching – if you’re constantly on edge, your kids will be too.  Children thrive on relaxed, laid-back lifestyles – and so do grown-ups.

Count your blessings

When all’s said and done, it’s great to have kids and to be part of a loving family. Some people aren’t so lucky.  Without wishing to sound Pollyanna-ish, it’s always good to keep that at the forefront of your mind.

Get a good night’s sleep

Being a parent is an exhausting business. However, a full night’s sleep can elude you for many years after you become one.  But the fact is, we all need to sleep at night to help us get through the day. Just as small children get grumpy, irrational and irritable when they are tired, so do grown-ups.

Eat well

Don’t forget to eat.  Like children, adults need to feed their bodies to have healthy minds, and low energy levels can lead to short fuses.  Aim to eat healthily too, as a nutrient-rich diet helps to combat stress.

Look after your love life

Even if things are fine and dandy between you and your partner, squeeze in some ‘you ‘n’ me’ time whenever you can.  Even if you can’t find or afford a babysitter. And keep talking. Communication really counts in families.

Take time out from parenting

Every parent deserves a bit of time to pursue an interest, paint their toenails, spend time with their own grown-up friends, and just generally be a human being in their own right rather than someone’s mum or dad.  Make sure you get yours when it’s due.

Get some exercise (or at least some relaxation)

If you can’t find the time or inclination to exercise, then at least make time to relax.  Just take 10 minutes a day to practise some deep-breathing techniques and some gentle stretches.  Introduce a sport or activity into your lifestyle as a family, and you’ll be killing two birds with one stone – keeping fit and hanging out together. 

Cool, Calm Parent – How not to lose it with your kids by Hollie Smith is available from www.whiteladderpress.com