Building a Child’s Self-Esteem: Help a child manage stress

The pressures of everyday life are not exclusive to adults.  Indeed the stresses and strains of school work, family relationships and friendships can all take a turn in burdening a child with a mixture of overwhelming feelings they may not be able to control.  What started out as a small spark can blaze into a fiery inferno that can frighten a child and others too. 

Discovering what lies at the root of these strong feelings and finding ways to manage the big emotions will help a child regain self-control.  Being able to control such emotions will ultimately help build a child’s self-esteem as they grow more confident and self assured of remaining composed in any situation.  

Stress affects children in different ways. It can make them feel tired, moody, bad-tempered, angry or over-sensitive. If left to fester, it can lead to sleeplessness, bed wetting, panic attacks and depression. It can also cause or contribute to physical problems such as headaches, migraines, asthma and eczema.   Children cope with stress in different ways.  How well your child will cope, partly depends on the type of child they are. Some children have a naturally easy-going temperament, while others have a more tense and anxious disposition. Stress can manifest itself in a number of ways but can lead a child to misbehave or act in way that is not usual for them. 

Trying to understand why a child is behaving in an unusual way, by understanding different behavioural patterns, can help a parent remedy the problem.   

Why do children misbehave?Children will misbehave for a number of reasons; they may be attention seeking to get the full attention they crave from their parents; they may be seeking revenge towards someone they feel has treated them badly; they may feel powerless in a situation and by not having control, will get angry with an older sibling or friend; or they may be feeling sad and behave badly to attract more attention, sympathy and affection.  

How to help your child manage stressParents can help their children manage stress in a number of ways:

Watch behavioural patterns: Be aware of any sudden changes in your child’s behaviour.  Intervene at an early stage if your child seems unusually withdrawn or aggressive.

Acknowledge your child’s behaviour: Often a child will be oblivious to his own behaviour, so it will help if you notice when something is bothering him. Try to describe how you think your child is feeling, as he may not yet have words for his feelings. Help your child learn to identify different emotions by name. By labelling feelings children will be able to communicate and develop an emotional awareness.

Listen to your child: It is important for a child to be allowed to voice his concerns without fear of judgement or blame. Give your child the time to talk. And listen patiently, attentively and calmly – that way they are more likely to open up.

Think of solutions to problems: If there's a specific problem that's causing stress, discuss the alternative options with your child that may help ease the problem. Encourage your child to find his own solutions to the problem so he can feel reassured by his own decisions and feel more in control. Anticipate incidents that might create stress for your child and suggest a number of coping strategies that may help if they are faced with a stressful situation.

Be wary of overload: If your child feels stressed simply by doing too much outside of school, and consequently struggles to keep up with homework, consider limiting the activities they do to give them time to relax and unwind.

Be there: Just let your children know that you are always there for them; that they are loved and supported. Your cushioned support will give them the confidence to tackle life’s problems. 

 If a child appears to be struggling at school... If your child appears to be struggling or shows a different type of behaviour at school for no obvious reason, there may be an underlying cause such as a learning difficulty that is creating a challenge for them.  This is worth investigating further...  

ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder)

ADHD is one of the most common behavioural disorders in Ireland, affecting around 3–9% of school-aged children. Symptoms tend to start at an early age and may be more noticeable when a child starts school or when circumstances change. ADHD is normally diagnosed between the ages of 3–7 and is more commonly diagnosed in boys. Children with ADHD can react in a number of different ways. Children with inattentive symptoms may be prone to making careless mistakes, having difficulty sustaining attention in class, or being easily distracted and forgetful. Children with hyperactive symptoms may constantly fidget and may talk excessively. Children with impulsive symptoms may blurt out answers before questions have been fully asked and may find it difficult to await their turn. If you suspect your child is showing some ADHD symptoms, talk to your child’s teacher and your doctor for an evaluation.

Further information: www.incadds.ie  www.hadd.ie www.thechildrensclinic.ie

Dyslexia

Dyslexia is a common learning difficulty that affects the skills involved in the reading and spelling of words. People with Dyslexia have difficulty connecting the sounds of language to the letters of words so they may have difficulty understanding sentences. Dyslexia affects around 4-8% of all schoolchildren, and appears to be more common in boys than girls. Talk with your child’s teacher if you are concerned. Around 95% of children respond well to interventions.

Further reading: www.dyslexia.ie

Dyspraxia

Dyspraxia is a developmental co-ordination disorder that affects smooth, co-ordinated movement. Symptoms may include perception and language problems,  clumsiness and a lack of co-ordination. It is an internationally accepted statistic that  up to 6% of children suffer from dyspraxia, with it being more common in boys.

Further reading: www.dyspraxiaireland.com

Tips to help your child avoid stress

Slow the pace of life down – children need time to relax

Ensure your child gets enough exercise and fresh air

Don't put too much pressure on your child to achieve

Make your own behaviour an example of how to handle stress

Don't ignore your child’s feelings in times of crisis or change

Further reading:

The ISPCC website, www.ispcc.ie, contains useful factsheets, including advice on managing stress and listening to your child.

Parentline, www.parentline.ie provides help and support in all aspects of family life. Lo Call 1890 927 277