Celebrating Lone Parenthood

There are over three million single parents in the UK who finely juggle the daily rituals of work, home and school life, and who face a range of overwhelming emotions connected with this challenging yet rewarding role. Although often associated as a predominately female role, this isn’t always the case. So, what is it like to be a single father in a world of single females?  We’ve investigated this issue a little further and have also provided some useful pointers to help separated families survive the Christmas season.

Only Dads

Often, when Dads are portrayed in the media it is usually for the wrong reasons. They are seen for not paying child maintenance, or are dressed up as Superman scaling some bridge or other, or more commonly, are seen as hapless individuals incapable of doing anything more than one thing at a time... irresponsible, more than a bit lazy, and not at all family orientated. So what happens when a man suddenly finds himself as the sole carer of young children? If you are already conjuring up images of unconfined rampant chaos then you might only be part right! There are 250,000 men in this country bringing up children on their own. The Office for National Statistics confirms that one in ten single parent household’s is headed up by a Dad. So where are they? Six years ago when Bob Greig first became a single parent he began to ask himself the same question. He was meeting lots of single mums (more than ever!), but couldn’t find another single dad for love nor money.  One evening in May 2007, it suddenly struck Bob that he needed a pint with another dad who was also raising a family on his own. This was not to share ironing tips or recipes, but to have a drink with another individual who had the emotional shorthand to know what Bob was going through. This sense of isolation eventually led Bob to create a website – www.onlydads.org - devoted to other men who were the same position as him. Bob fuelled the project with some redundancy money and the main aim was simple – to create an on-line facility for other single fathers to get in touch with each other. Within three weeks of launching the website, a few things happened. Interestingly, single mums were contacting Bob to ask for something similar for them and the dads who contacted Bob were imagining him to be their remote social worker, lawyer, financial advisor, or childcare expert. So, something had to give. 

Only Mums

Two years on, after much fine tuning, Bob continues to direct OnlyDads whilst he drafted in Rebecca Giraud to run the sister organisation www.onlymums.org to meet the demands of female visitors. Both websites now offer a holistic signposting service to the myriad of support services and organisations that can offer the right professional support to single parents and their children.  Rebecca confirms that the majority of enquiries reaching OnlyMums relate to financial worries or ongoing child contact arrangements with their ex partner. She says “Without doubt building up our directory of solicitors and our nationwide contacts to specialist and empathetic financial advisors has been really worthwhile. Our new information and links to health and education support organisations we hope will be as useful.” 

A Professional Support Network

Bob maintains that building up a professional support network for single parents is work that is still not complete. He explained, “The important thing for me was to concentrate on this word ‘professional’. Being a single parent is difficult and joyous in equal measure. And those reading this who are single parents will, like me, have come across way too much half-baked and ultimately useless advice. Perhaps, the unique feature of both our websites is the establishment of the Panel of Experts, which allows any parent to seek advice from a range of individuals who are leaders in their field. These are real people answering real issues. The advice they offer is free to any single parent in the UK”. Asking Bob about his own ability to multi-task, he replies, “Well, I’ve given up ironing… and weeding. There you are, my top tip to Primary Times readers is don’t do as many tasks!”  Wise words indeed - but how does a single parent cope with the additional tasks that arise at this time of year? 

Festivities for single families

Aside from multi-tasking and seeking advice, many lone parents, both male and female, will be facing seasonal issues that arise with the onset of Christmas. Facing the prospect of the festive season without seeing the children or an argument with the ex partner over contact issues, can add to the stress at this time of year. Good communication with an ex-partner will never go amiss, as will a plan that is convenient for the children.

Here are some tips that may help separated families create a relatively stress free Christmas season…

• Focus on your child by putting his or her feelings first. Christmas should be a magical time for children, not a time when they feel torn between their family.Keep your children fully informed about all Christmas arrangements. They will feel more in control with prior knowledge. Try to be fair - children need continuing contact from both sides of the family. Try to talk to your ex partner about what you are buying so you don’t duplicate presents. An agreed spending budget will avoid any competition with your ex.
• If you are the resident parent make sure your ex partner is aware of your child’s nativity plays or any festive events at school.

Useful websites:

Only Dads: www.onlydads.org

Only Mums: www.onlymums.org  

Parentline Plus: www.parentlineplus.org.uk