Bullying - How Parents Cope

What do you imagine was the most common problem dealt with by Childline during the past year?  Believe it or not, more than 20,000 children and young people last year called the charity with their concerns about bullying. And in a survey by the organisation, half of primary school children said that they had been bullied in some way or other in the last 12 months. So, how can parents deal with the issue?

First, what is regarded as bullying?:  Being teased or called names; being hit, pushed, pulled, pinched or kicked; having possessions taken; being ignored or left out.

How will I know if my child is being bullied?  Look for the signs: bruises or scratches; broken or missing possessions; trouble with schoolwork for no reason; worrying about going to school; changes in eating habits; acting withdrawn; being easily upset or particularly emotional; sleeping badly or bed wetting; irritable behaviour, Always take any allegations of bullying seriously.

Yes, I think my child is being bullied. 

What to do to help...
Remain calm:  Take a deep breath. Your child does not need to carry your worries and fears.  They need your strength and support.  As a parent, it is very normal to feel angry and upset if you discover that your child is being bullied. And because children are aware how it can affect their mums and dads, they sometimes they keep the bullying quiet.  

Review the situation:  If your child tells you they are being bullied it is vital to stop and listen.  Let them tell their story in their own words.  And get as clear a picture as possible as to what’s been going on: Who is bullying them? Where, how often and when?  Were there any witnesses? 

Reassure your child: Your child could be very anxious. Bullying, whether physical or verbal, is demoralising and can seriously damage a child’s self-esteem. If you refuse to help them they may feel very isolated. Ask them what they want you to do.  
* Be willing to listen to your child's worries at any time
* Reassure them that it is not their fault
* Let them know that they will not face this alone
* Tell your child that bullying is not acceptable behaviour
* Reassure them that you will do what you can to get the bullying to stop.
* Let them know that you will not rush and cause a scene. Tell them that you will talk to the teacher, but it will be kept confidential.
* Tell them that you will find ways to keep them safe from the bullies.
* Don't pressurise them to talk to you.

Resolve the problem
Discuss with your child solutions and ways to keep safe. This may involve finding ways of avoiding the bully, staying with another child at break times and not taking special possessions into school.  If the bullying persists, make sure they know who to contact at school. Help them to learn to say 'NO' to bullies and teach them to walk confidently and hide their upset feelings. Also help your child learn not to take everything too personally. Let them learn to stay ‘neutral’ and ignore teasing.

Report the bullying to the school
Before approaching the school, be clear about what has happened. Ask your child to keep a diary of bullying incidents with dates, places and names of the children involved, so that they have concrete facts to show the school. Then make an appointment to see the teacher with your child.  Think about what you expect from the school. For example, you will want reassurance that the allegations will be taken seriously, that the complaint be kept confidential and that there will be more supervision at break times and in corridors. Also, ask to look at the school’s Bullying Policy.

Reassess the situation:
The bullying may not stop straight away.  So, encourage your child to keep talking to you about it.  If you are not satisfied with the school's response, keep persevering. Your child's welfare is important. If problems continue, you could speak to the Headteacher.  The next step would be to write or call the Board of Governors.  If the bullying still persists you can contact the Local Education Authority.

Rebuild your child's confidence: 
Re-build your child's self esteem by showing them how much you love them and how valued they are.  Make their lives outside of school fun and comfortable.  You could encourage them to join a self defence class. Do anything to help them feel good about themselves. 

Who can help:
Children can call ChildLine free on 0800 1111.  This is a 24 hour helpline that provides confidential information and advice about all problems including bullying. Or they can visit www.childline.org.uk/bullying.asp

Parents can get invaluable advice from Parentline Plus.  This also, is a free 24 hour helpline for parents concerned with a wide range of issues, including bullying.  Call 0808 800 2222 or visit www.parentlineplus.org.uk or email parentsupport@parentlineplus.org.uk.

Words: Kirsty Woodgate