Success as a single parent

Life certainly has a habit of throwing challenges at us. And, although it may seem hard to believe, JK Rowling once shared the same plight that over 150,000 parents in Ireland face each day (15% are lone fathers)*.

Yes, life as a single parent. Oh, how life has come a long way for the author of some of the bestselling children’s books of all time. Now one of the wealthiest women in the UK, she sat through many a grey rainy day in Edinburgh, hunched over a hot cuppa in a cafe, writing Harry
Potter manuscripts. OK, so her life story with its ‘Cinderella’ tinges may seem remote from the routine of most single parents. But for her too, there
was nothing magical about her lifestyle in those days. Still, single parents need to become multi-skilled masters. They combine two roles; they are the bread winner and the home maker. They mow the lawns, put up the shelves, cook the dinners, ship the children off to school and help with the homework. Yet, despite the pressures, so many lone parents not only cope but excel
at what they do.

Traits of Successful Single Parents

Good time managers: For the average single parent who simply has so much to do, good planning and time management pays dividends. Combining routines and schedules involves good organisation of both
time and energy. There is an incalculable benefit in spending time together as a family; eating dinner together each night and reading a book with the children before sleep.

Accepting responsibility:

Whatever the circumstances that lead you to become a single parent, try to deal with your difficulties minus feelings of self pity or bitterness; however difficult it may be. This may allow you to address day-to-day problems and
focus on the positive. It helps you move on with your life; accepting that you are solely responsible for your child.

Consistency:

If disciplining the children can be exhausting for two parents, it has to be
even more draining for a lone parent who doesn’t have the back up. However, by being consistent, you can maintain your position as head of the household. Set realistic boundaries and a level of discipline that is stuck to. In time, children will learn what is acceptable and what isn’t.

Astute with finances:

Budget, budget, budget. Most single parents have to learn to be astute with their money. And these are fantastic traits that can be passed on to your children. By watching the pennies yourself, you can teach your children that
if they want anything, they will have to work and save for it. By becoming financially independent, you can take pride in your ability to solely provide for your family.

Support network:

This involves family, friends and neighbours. Building a solid network of friends and family can provide your child with the same sort of love and care
that exists in a traditional family. And the support can help you deal with your
responsibilities as a lone parent. Some problems that single parents face are unique to their situation, so it also helps to compare notes with other lone parents.

Practical Advice for Lone Parents:

1. Make sure you are receiving all the financial support you are entitled to: you may be entitled to benefits or tax credits. Check with your local Citizens Advice Bureau or log onto www.welfare.ie to find out more.

2. You may qualify for a medical card or GP Visit card under the new guidelines. Contact your local health centre or log onto www.hse.ie to see if you qualify.

3. Make arrangements for child maintenance: try to come to an agreement with your ex-partner. Mediation services can be found on www.welfare.ie/foi/fammedser.html and through Treoir, the national information centre for unmarried parents on 01 6700120 www.treoir.ie.

4. Dealing with isolation or loneliness: To get in touch with other lone parents in your area contact Gingerbread on (01) 814 6618 www.gingerbread.ie or OPEN, the national network of lone parent groups on 01 832 0264 www.oneparent.ie

5. Find out about childcare: Contact your local childcare committee to find out about childcare options in your area. Kildare: (045) 861307, Meath: (046) 9073010, Wicklow: (0404) 64455

6. Ask your employer about flexible working: Find out if you have the right to ask your employer to consider a request for flexible working.

7. Make a Will: Yes it is a morbid thought, but you need to sort out who will look after the children if anythign happens to you.

Other useful Contacts:

* CSO 2002 Census figures

For help and advice on any parenting related matters you can call the Parentline helpline on 1890 927 277 or go to www.parentline.ie