Overcoming Shyness  

Yes, of course we all hope that our children will cruise through  life dazzling everyone with their friendly, self-assured demeanour.  And, it goes without   saying that these admirable traits will be with them since birth.

Wait a minute. Let's take a step back there. Are we born self-assured? Are we naturally confident individuals? It's highly unlikely. Social skills, like everything in life, need to be learnt. And, in particular, children often need help and guidance to build their confidence when they respond to others until they believe in themselves.

Bear in mind, that many of us start out in life as shy, but as the years go by we learn skills to overcome this. With training and time, even the most shy, introverted child can bloom into a vibrant soul.

How can I help my Shy Child?

Teach them to Socialise.

Let them mix, mingle, join in. Actively encourage your child to chat & participate in activities with other people as much as possible. Persuade them to acknowledge other people, be it a wave or verbal gesture. They may need your help to start with, so, whenever you can, get involved with their conversations to support their speaking skills.

Face the Unfamiliar.

This sounds scary. But it isn't. We all face unfamiliar situations on a daily basis; we're just used to dealing with them. Children need to feel secure wherever they are and will gain confidence the more they are exposed to different surroundings. Slowly, introduce them to less familiar environments and different people. Interaction with younger children can often help, as a shy child can feel empowered 'looking after' the little ones. Encourage them to pay for items in the local shop, where they can practise communicating in a familiar environment away from home. If possible, take them out more often. Visit new places together.

Express those Feelings.

Open up. Talk to your child about how you feel when you meet different people or go to new places. Explain what you do when you feel a little nervous. How do you deal with shy feelings? Children need to know that butterflies in the tummy are perfectly normal, and sometimes mum & dad feel them too. In time, they'll start to express their own feelings, allowing you to help them when they need it most.

Create a Distraction.

Shyness can be described as being self-conscious around other people. Many adults deal with this vulnerable reaction by focussing their attention onto other people or their immediate surroundings. This train of thought places the focus from their own feelings, and onto something else. Phew! Pressures off. Similarly, children can be trained to use these distraction techniques.

Don't Label them as 'Shy'.

As with all negative comments, don’t talk about our child's shyness to others, in front of them or within earshot. Such conversations will lead them to believe that what has been said is true.

Introduce Fun Role Play.

Many famous Hollywood stars are painfully shy underneath their polished exterior. They are simply highly skilled in acting out another 'character'; drawing them out of their own shy shells. This is not to suggest that a timid child should be signed up to acting classes, but it's worth noting that outgoing characteristics can be learnt from regular positive role-play. Imagine real-life scenarios and let your child 'pretend' that they are someone who is a strong role model for them. Make it fun. Practise eye contact, smiling and friendly small talk. With regular, fun, role-play the positive behaviours learnt will seep into their personality.

 Reward Attempts at Outgoing Behaviour.

If a timid child has shown willingness to speak to others, praise them without dismissing their previous shyness. Encourage outgoing behaviour with star charts or other goal reaching plans. Reward your child for the slightest attempt at overcoming their shyness with a treat. And, bear in mind that some days will be better than others. But, overall they will see that they are making progress.

Let's face it. Shyness is a very sensitive subject. Remember how fragile & vulnerable a child must feel in the big wide world, so be careful not to push them too hard. There may be some battles along the way, especially if your child is very sensitive or stubborn, but with patience & perseverance you can help change their shy habits.

Visit www.shykids.com.  An international website providing helpful advice for children. Parents can visit www.practicalparent.org.uk/shychild.htm to source more information on shyness in children. Primary Times is not responsible for the content of external websites.