Understanding Cyber Bullying

Catherine Calvert from leading charity Kidscape offers advice about online safety and how to avoid cyber bullying.

The exciting future that the evolution of technology promised us is here - with
the click of a mouse, you and your child can view the earth from space, talk to
faraway friends, send a message in a flash, all almost unimaginable a few years ago.

But the use you make of the internet and mobile phones can either help your family or, at the worst, bring bullying, abuse or threats into your home. Families who work together to determine what is safe and appropriate in the use of these magic boxes and buttons, can help to avoid finding their home, once a place of safety and assurance, has turned into a battleground of rules and secrets, as parents scramble to keep up with innovations, and children  try hard to keep up with their friends.

Parents of primary age children are lucky - children this age are at the beginning of their technological development and parents are important to their view of the world around them. Hopefully you have already developed a habit of family conversations, or established a time when a child can confide in you or bring up questions that are worrisome. Your guidance, and your rules, are vital now, and family discussions of what’s appropriate on the internet and of how a mobile phone can be misused, go with the privilege of having access to these household mainstays.

Start the conversations early - don’t wait until adolescence, when young people are driven by their peers. Ensure the school also reinforces the lessons, either in computer class, or in lessons. Anti-bullying Week in November is a prime time for such activities.

Before you bring a computer into the house, or buy a new mobile phone for
a child, gather as much information and guidance as you can…. but know the
technological world is constantly changing, and your children are likely to be a few jumps ahead of you!

Advice from Kidscape

1 Choose to put the family computer in a public place. Make sure you know
what the computer is capable of - is there a camera? The computer should
be fully equipped with security programs to guard against fake websites, viruses, and other threats. This is the beginning of the most important lesson, which must be repeated again and again - the internet, as in the “real world”, can harbour those who wish you harm. Teach your child to find sites, especially for games, that have monitors or ways to report trouble.

2 From the first day, emphasise that, though working on a computer, or sending a text, may seem private, you have no control once you hit ’send‘ or post a picture. A friend might send your message further, or copy pictures elsewhere. No one can control an image once it’s launched. Young people who have sent inappropriate photos from mobile phones, or mean remarks in a text, can find the whole school and beyond has seen them. There is no  real privacy in cyber-space.

3 Set up guidelines about social networking sites - and think about what age would be appropriate for your child to access Facebook or MySpace. There are some that appeal to even the youngest children, while the more established sites offer the chance to‘friend’ half the world. Again, help  children realise that putting something on a site is like posting it in the town centre. Sit with them and help them set privacy limits, and be sure to familiarise yourself with how the sites work, and check your child’s entry for appropriateness (mutual respect here - don’t post embarrassing pictures of your children on your own site!). Consequences can be harsh - school suspension, loss of friends, embarrassment.

4 As an anti-bullying charity that works with hundreds of young people each
year, Kidscape is particularly aware of the growth of cyber-bulllying, the use
of phone and internet to torment targeted children. Once bullied children could come home and be safe; the adept bully now can reach a target 24 hours a day in his/her own room, using the internet (some set up websites dedicated to hurting a schoolmate) or texts and messages on a phone - turning a child’s most valued possession into a weapon. Though parents worry about online predators and they do exist, it is much more likely children may encounter bullying from someone they know well. Do watch for signs of bullying - a withdrawn child, sad and solitary, who doesn’t want to talk to you
and may exhibit poor eating and sleeping and a fall off in marks. Again, stay aware, informed and don’t let such behaviour pass unchallenged.

5 Steel yourself - you will have to repeat and repeat these lessons - as children reach different stages, different interests and maturity will mean they will be experimenting with new things and forget, perhaps, the safety rules. They may like to help you make the most of the internet, or find they like some of the many websites that discuss internet safety. Two particularly good ones are: www.netsmartz.org and www.thinkuknow.co.uk, which has advice for every age group, from 5-17, and their parents.

6 Most importantly, it is important your child has a trusted adult to talk to, and understands that you are there to help. Kidscape offers help to families, schools, and young people who are being bullied. Our website www.kidscape.org.uk has information for everyone, with a helpful section on cyber-bullying.